For some reason my children don't think they can be heard at bedtime. They get so engaged in their play or discussions they aren't aware of the volume level. I have always found a way to sneak down and listen in to get a glimpse into the heart of my children.
Tonight I snuck down the stairs because I heard talking coming from the boys room. I stood in the shadows by the door and listened. My eldest son was talking with our foster guy about a variety of things, very trivial at first. Still I waited and listened instead of going forward with my surprise attack and boy was I glad I did. My eldest asked Foster Guy if he liked me. Foster Guy answered "No". Oldest asked why and Foster Guy explained that he didn't like that I "get him in trouble when he steals things." Oldest became very passionate about the fact that Foster Guy shouldn't steal and that he shouldn't speak badly about me because the Bible says that it shows a parents love for her children when she disciplines them and that the Bible says to obey those in charge of you and that stealing is wrong and that we should "love our enemies". What a blessed moment for Mama. My "honor" was defended by my oldest boy!
I did eventually make my presence known when they started talking about nothing in particular again:)
Over the years I've seen other people's children behave well in front of others and have believed them to be nearly flawless. I've wondered why my children couldn't be a little more like those well behaved children. Later my children inform me that they don't like hanging out with those other children because they are so rude to each other when their parents aren't around or they have heart issues their parents aren't aware of. Then I realize I'd rather know up front what I'm up against :) Through this evenings events I think I will try to be patient with my children as they are learning to follow the Lord and thank God they aren't hiding who they are under false humility or good deeds to simply be seen by others. They are themselves and I am honored to be their mom...even when my "sneaking" doesn't come up with such blessed moments :)
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Monday, January 10, 2011
Hope for Martha
In all the years of hearing, pondering and being instructed on the story of Mary and Martha (Luke 10:38-42)Martha has always gotten a bad rap. It seems like we view Martha as some sort of creature of the underworld for not dropping everything and running to the feet of Christ. Of course we can see the wisdom of Mary sitting at the feet of Christ, but there were things that legitimately needed to get done. Where Martha missed the mark with her attitude. She could have been receiving just as much blessing had her heart been at the feet of Christ even with her hands being busy preparing the meal. Mary wasn't praised for not helping her sister and Martha wasn't corrected for continuing on with the preparations. We do well in the service of Christ if our hearts are like Mary and our hands are like Martha.
There is a lovely woman at church who from the outside might look like a Martha. She is always doing. She makes sure food goes out and tables are wiped down and floors are vacuumed. When we gather for the Sunday school adult class her hands are busy with some sort of handiwork. But I also see her listening. She listens intently during the service and the classes. She is very intuitive when someone is in need or a project needs to be completed.
The Lord calls us to work out our salvation with fear and trembling. He tells us that we are His workmanship CREATED FOR good works in Christ. He tells us that we are saved by grace but that faith without WORKS (yes works!) is dead. Often we fail when we get frustrated because our works have gone unnoticed:) You know, I've just heard of people doing that...
Lord grant us mama's the heart of Mary and the Hands of Martha ~Amen
There is a lovely woman at church who from the outside might look like a Martha. She is always doing. She makes sure food goes out and tables are wiped down and floors are vacuumed. When we gather for the Sunday school adult class her hands are busy with some sort of handiwork. But I also see her listening. She listens intently during the service and the classes. She is very intuitive when someone is in need or a project needs to be completed.
The Lord calls us to work out our salvation with fear and trembling. He tells us that we are His workmanship CREATED FOR good works in Christ. He tells us that we are saved by grace but that faith without WORKS (yes works!) is dead. Often we fail when we get frustrated because our works have gone unnoticed:) You know, I've just heard of people doing that...
Lord grant us mama's the heart of Mary and the Hands of Martha ~Amen
Monday, December 20, 2010
His Eye is on the Sparrow
Did you know that when God put that rainbow in the sky He not only made a covenant with Noah and all of mankind, He made a covenant with the animals as well! (Genesis 9:8-11)
Animals are not human and should not be treated as such. They were not made in the likeness and image of God, but He did choose to creat them and call them "good". It was said in a youth group meeting a few years back that it was pointless to love pets as they have no soul. But God often chooses the simple things to bring light to His simple children. He opened the eyes of Balaam's doneky when man refused to see. He used ravens as His servants to bring food to His prophet Elisha (1 Kings 17:5-6). Our Lord choose a stable as His birth place in the presense of the animals. Jesus rode into Jerusalem as King on the foal of a donkey. And He uses the example of His eye being on the sparrow to comfort us and help us to accept His special attention and love for us. And He chose to show us the Holy Spirit in the form of a dove.
We have experienced two losses this past week. Our black cat, Raven Paw, had to be put down due to complications from an injury sustained a few months ago. Our beloved black lab, Midnight Boo, was killed by a car the following morning. One does not know how an animal will affect one's life until that animal is gone. Now we have never been the sorts to treat the animals as people, but they have been companions and the greeting comittee. They have protected our home from man an mouse:) They were part of the running of our home. God has given us dominion over the animals. By doing so He has given us yet another opportunity to learn compassion and humility.
Farewell our little friends. Though it may seem silly to mourn the beasts of the earth, they were sweet companions to us and they will be missed. Our God is the God of all creation and He knows when each of His beloved creatures die.
Attributed to St. Basil the Great are two beautiful prayers for Animals:The earth is the Lord's and the fulness thereof.
O God, enlarge within us the sense of fellowship with all living things, our brothers the animals to whom Thou gavest the earth as their home in common with us.
We remember with shame that in the past we have exercised the high dominion of man with ruthless cruelty so that the voice of the earth, which should have gone up to Thee in song has been a groan of travail.
May we realize that they live not for us alone, but for themselves and for Thee and that they love the sweetness of life even as we, and serve Thee better in their place than we in ours. (5)
For those, O Lord, the humble beasts, that bear with us the burden and heat of day, and offer their guileless lives for the well-being of mankind; and for the wild creatures, whom Thou hast made wise, strong, and beautiful, we supplicate for them Thy great tenderness of heart, for Thou hast promised to save both man and beast, and great is Thy loving kindness, O Master, Saviour of the world. (5)
Animals are not human and should not be treated as such. They were not made in the likeness and image of God, but He did choose to creat them and call them "good". It was said in a youth group meeting a few years back that it was pointless to love pets as they have no soul. But God often chooses the simple things to bring light to His simple children. He opened the eyes of Balaam's doneky when man refused to see. He used ravens as His servants to bring food to His prophet Elisha (1 Kings 17:5-6). Our Lord choose a stable as His birth place in the presense of the animals. Jesus rode into Jerusalem as King on the foal of a donkey. And He uses the example of His eye being on the sparrow to comfort us and help us to accept His special attention and love for us. And He chose to show us the Holy Spirit in the form of a dove.
We have experienced two losses this past week. Our black cat, Raven Paw, had to be put down due to complications from an injury sustained a few months ago. Our beloved black lab, Midnight Boo, was killed by a car the following morning. One does not know how an animal will affect one's life until that animal is gone. Now we have never been the sorts to treat the animals as people, but they have been companions and the greeting comittee. They have protected our home from man an mouse:) They were part of the running of our home. God has given us dominion over the animals. By doing so He has given us yet another opportunity to learn compassion and humility.
Farewell our little friends. Though it may seem silly to mourn the beasts of the earth, they were sweet companions to us and they will be missed. Our God is the God of all creation and He knows when each of His beloved creatures die.
Attributed to St. Basil the Great are two beautiful prayers for Animals:The earth is the Lord's and the fulness thereof.
O God, enlarge within us the sense of fellowship with all living things, our brothers the animals to whom Thou gavest the earth as their home in common with us.
We remember with shame that in the past we have exercised the high dominion of man with ruthless cruelty so that the voice of the earth, which should have gone up to Thee in song has been a groan of travail.
May we realize that they live not for us alone, but for themselves and for Thee and that they love the sweetness of life even as we, and serve Thee better in their place than we in ours. (5)
For those, O Lord, the humble beasts, that bear with us the burden and heat of day, and offer their guileless lives for the well-being of mankind; and for the wild creatures, whom Thou hast made wise, strong, and beautiful, we supplicate for them Thy great tenderness of heart, for Thou hast promised to save both man and beast, and great is Thy loving kindness, O Master, Saviour of the world. (5)
Friday, November 5, 2010
A Lost Sheep - Fallen
She was the mother of our very first foster baby. The baby was a tiny 6 day old when she arrived at our home. Blone hair, blue eyes and just adorable. Her young mother was in jail. She called every day and I held the phone up to her ear so she could talk to her baby. I had the awkward challenge of holding the phone while trying to illicit some sort of sound from baby so Mama would know she recognized her voice. We only had this baby for 30 days before she transferred to another foster home so we could keep two brothers together. The mom was only 18 and had been in and out of juvenile hall before this. Her heart's desire was to be a good mama. She worked hard and finally got her baby back. She loved her beautiful little girl and resolved never to be in that situation again. But life started moving along again. She lost some of her resolve, as many of us do after making a New Year's Resolution. Losing our resolve might land us back on the couch instead of at the gym, or delving into that secret stash of chocolate we'd sworn off. Perhaps we resolved to watch less tv or sit together at the dinner table. When we fail in those areas we often feel a sense of guilt, but we secretly know we'll try it again next year. This mama's loss of resolve caused her to lose focus on being healthy for herself and her child and slowly slipped back into the old routines with the old people and the old passions pulling at her pant legs urging her down that dark path. The same scenario played out with the second child. What is a mama to do? I know how despairing I feel at times as a mom. I fail my children. I make poor choices and incorrectly prioritize my day. But this mama's failings caused her to lose her children.
Two days ago that mama ended her stay on earth. Didn't she know that although her children were lost to her, all was not lost. Didn't she know that her own life had value? Didn't she know that there was a loving God calling her name, not pointing His finger? She didn't know. She couldn't hear. She couldn't see. Her pain was so big, and no doubt the flood of accusations from the enemy of man's soul were clouding her thinking, blaring in her ears and blinding her from the truth.
While I work and care for the little ones that come to our home, I also have great compassion for the parents, especially the mamas. Not that the mama's should get their children back, in many cases they shouldn't, but oh for them to know that their own lives hold value regardless of the outcome of the case. None of these mama's wanted to grow up and hurt their children. I pray that we, as Christians, learn to look past the outward and seek to touch the hearts of the people we come in contact with. I hope we will not only pray for the children, but for the lost mamas as well. For one of these lost mama's Jesus will leave the rest of the sheep and search and search. And when one of these lost one's is found there is great rejoicing. And when one of these lost ones ends it all because it doesn't know it's valued and can't hear the call of the Shepherd because the wolves are howling so loudly...when the Good Shepherd finds it...He weeps.
May the Lord have mercy on Her soul
Two days ago that mama ended her stay on earth. Didn't she know that although her children were lost to her, all was not lost. Didn't she know that her own life had value? Didn't she know that there was a loving God calling her name, not pointing His finger? She didn't know. She couldn't hear. She couldn't see. Her pain was so big, and no doubt the flood of accusations from the enemy of man's soul were clouding her thinking, blaring in her ears and blinding her from the truth.
While I work and care for the little ones that come to our home, I also have great compassion for the parents, especially the mamas. Not that the mama's should get their children back, in many cases they shouldn't, but oh for them to know that their own lives hold value regardless of the outcome of the case. None of these mama's wanted to grow up and hurt their children. I pray that we, as Christians, learn to look past the outward and seek to touch the hearts of the people we come in contact with. I hope we will not only pray for the children, but for the lost mamas as well. For one of these lost mama's Jesus will leave the rest of the sheep and search and search. And when one of these lost one's is found there is great rejoicing. And when one of these lost ones ends it all because it doesn't know it's valued and can't hear the call of the Shepherd because the wolves are howling so loudly...when the Good Shepherd finds it...He weeps.
May the Lord have mercy on Her soul
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
"John the Baptism" and Other Saints
My son informed me the other day that he wanted to go to jail. When I asked why he simply told me, "so I can hang out with John the Baptism". We all chuckled, but it did make me think of the importance of saints in our lives. Those of us who worship in the Eastern Orthodox or Roman Catholic tradidtions view saints almost like extended family members. We see their icons not as something to worship but a reminder of what we should be emulating. We also see them as our "speedy helpers and intercessors for our souls"...just like a friend who we would call in time of great need. Those of the protestant persuasion look at the heros of the faith, like Hudson Taylor and Corrie Ten Boom, as people whose lives should serve as a powerful example to us all.
It is important to tell the stories of the saints to our children just as it is important for our children to have a strong prayer life and dedication to our Lord through the reading of Holy Scripture and participation in Christian fellowship. You may wonder why I would put the lives of the saints on or near the same level of importance as the Holy Scriptures. It is because the Scriptures tell us how to live, how to follow the Lord, what to leave behind, how to train our children, how to treat others with love and mercy, etc. The lives of the saints are amazing windows showing us people who actually turned those Holy words and instructions into a reality, many times at the expense of their very lives. To read that I should love the Lord my God with all my heart, mind and strength is powerful. But to see and read about someone who lived it and suffered for it is part of making scripture live and breathe. Through the lives of the amazing faithful we are inspired to continue to take up our own cross and follow Christ. Their suffering and struggle comes to us as refreshment for our souls as we continue on this long journey. Of course there are many many people who have fought valliantly for the faith, or suffered long, or stood firm whose names we will never know this side of heaven. The scritpures tell us that if the all the miracles performed by Jesus were to be written down the would could not hold all of the books. Thankfully, through the grace and direction of the Holy Spirit, the things that were most necessary for our instruction and edification were written down. Likewise, though we can not know all those worthy of being known as Saints of God, we can know of some who teach us by the example of their lives and encourage us toward that finish line.
Corrie Ten Boom - Saved many Jews from the hands of the Nazis though it cost her her freedom and the lives of many family members.
St. Sophia along with her daughters Sts. Faith Hope and Charity - Refused to deny Christ even though they met with many tortures and even martyrdom for those sweet girls 12, 10 and 9.
Jim Elliot - Along with 4 other missionary men gave their lives in the jungles of South America even though they had the means to defend themselves because "if we kill them they go to hell. If they kill us we go to heaven." That sacrifice turned the hearts of that violent tribe to Christ when no one had been able to reach them before.
Through the prayers of our holy Fathers, Lord Jesus Christ have mercy on us and save us. -Amen
It is important to tell the stories of the saints to our children just as it is important for our children to have a strong prayer life and dedication to our Lord through the reading of Holy Scripture and participation in Christian fellowship. You may wonder why I would put the lives of the saints on or near the same level of importance as the Holy Scriptures. It is because the Scriptures tell us how to live, how to follow the Lord, what to leave behind, how to train our children, how to treat others with love and mercy, etc. The lives of the saints are amazing windows showing us people who actually turned those Holy words and instructions into a reality, many times at the expense of their very lives. To read that I should love the Lord my God with all my heart, mind and strength is powerful. But to see and read about someone who lived it and suffered for it is part of making scripture live and breathe. Through the lives of the amazing faithful we are inspired to continue to take up our own cross and follow Christ. Their suffering and struggle comes to us as refreshment for our souls as we continue on this long journey. Of course there are many many people who have fought valliantly for the faith, or suffered long, or stood firm whose names we will never know this side of heaven. The scritpures tell us that if the all the miracles performed by Jesus were to be written down the would could not hold all of the books. Thankfully, through the grace and direction of the Holy Spirit, the things that were most necessary for our instruction and edification were written down. Likewise, though we can not know all those worthy of being known as Saints of God, we can know of some who teach us by the example of their lives and encourage us toward that finish line.
Corrie Ten Boom - Saved many Jews from the hands of the Nazis though it cost her her freedom and the lives of many family members.
St. Sophia along with her daughters Sts. Faith Hope and Charity - Refused to deny Christ even though they met with many tortures and even martyrdom for those sweet girls 12, 10 and 9.
Jim Elliot - Along with 4 other missionary men gave their lives in the jungles of South America even though they had the means to defend themselves because "if we kill them they go to hell. If they kill us we go to heaven." That sacrifice turned the hearts of that violent tribe to Christ when no one had been able to reach them before.
Through the prayers of our holy Fathers, Lord Jesus Christ have mercy on us and save us. -Amen
Monday, October 4, 2010
Mama Tea
It's amazing the difference a little teapot and two little cups can make. Sometimes it's hard to find ways to really "connect" with my boys. I am usually running one or the other of them to some sort of therapy appointment or breaking up a fight or trying to talk above the noise. Sometimes I send them outside to play...against their will...tempted to lock the door behind them :) But those are all things I do for them or, uh, to them but there weren't very many moments I spent WITH them. I was in the same room, house, car, insane asylum, but not with them on their level listening to their amazing thoughts and dreams. A friend gave me a sweet little Numi teapot for my birthday last year and on a whim I decided to have tea with my eldest son when he was having a hard time. I was just tired of facing the struggle head on, I thought tea would soften the mood. I was not prepared for the positive response I received from him. He relaxed and talked and listened and laughed. And it only lasted 10 minutes. We just talked until the tea was gone. I tried this the next day with the middle son and the day after that with the youngest. Now all three seek out Mama Tea time. Of course I find my eyeballs floating on those days when all three need Mama time. I tend to stop drinking when my youngest son reaches in the pot to press out all the extra liquid from the teabag (where have those hands been?!). Perhaps I'd like something other than Chamomile or Tension Tamer, but the look on their faces when the time is done and their delight when I tell them "thank you for having tea with me"...priceless!!!
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
Let Us Attend
"In peace let us pray to the Lord"
"Lord have mercy."
"Attending" at Church can be quite challenging not only because I have a plethora or children to manage (thanks 3 Amigos Movie for teaching me that big word:)) but that I have some children with...bonus features. My youngest child was drug exposed in utero and has ADHD, auditory processing issues (he hears everything...even when he's sitting in the way back of the van and I open a mint container!) and sensory DEregulation disorder (his body feels more comfortable when it's crazy and moving around and out of control, but his feelings don't).
During our time as parents, foster parents and adoptive parents I have secretly believed that our love would be enough no matter what "bonuses" our children came with, but I'm learning that sometimes love can't fix those little extras. Sometimes the love that needs to be shown is taking these kids to appointments and finding out what services and even medications might be necessary to help them feel comfortable in their own skin. This young one just began a mild medication that we all felt necessary to add to his supplement regime.
For the first time in a long time all three boys played with each other for a long time. It was quiet and that quiet didn't mean something bad was happening. They were actually enjoying each others company! Then Sunday was Church, the real test. My young one had a bit of trouble sitting. The medication makes him a little drowsy and when he's tired he gets grumpy. When it was time to stand he chose to do his imitation of a boneless chicken, but I persevered and helped him stand. During the Great Entrance he stood respectfully. I almost didn't breathe I didn't want to spoil the moment. And when it was time to take the Eucharist...No pushing and shoving! No reenacting the battle sequence from Narnia! No wiggling or yelling "DON'T!" when I try to direct his body! He stood peacefully in line, walked up the the chalice and partook CALMLY of the Body and Blood of our Lord. As I followed behind him I had to choke back the tears. No one knew that I was feeling like I was at the Olympics watching my son win a gold medal. No one knew what an accomplishment that short walk was. No one, but my Lord, knew my Mama heart and how proud I was of my son. This little one has the potential for a lifetime of intense trials and hard work because of the drugs that were put into his system as a precious unborn baby. But Jesus said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these." He wants my little hyperactive boy who can't filter out any stimuli to come unto Him. He wants my son with Reactive Attachment Disorder to come unto Him. He wants my children who feel insecure or stupid or afraid to come unto Him because He made His kingdom of heaven for them. To grant them peace. To give them rest. To make them secure in Him.
May we help each of our little ones on that narrow road we must all walk, crawling with them when necessary...that crawling will encourage much prayer since we'll already be on our knees :)
"Lord have mercy."
"Attending" at Church can be quite challenging not only because I have a plethora or children to manage (thanks 3 Amigos Movie for teaching me that big word:)) but that I have some children with...bonus features. My youngest child was drug exposed in utero and has ADHD, auditory processing issues (he hears everything...even when he's sitting in the way back of the van and I open a mint container!) and sensory DEregulation disorder (his body feels more comfortable when it's crazy and moving around and out of control, but his feelings don't).
During our time as parents, foster parents and adoptive parents I have secretly believed that our love would be enough no matter what "bonuses" our children came with, but I'm learning that sometimes love can't fix those little extras. Sometimes the love that needs to be shown is taking these kids to appointments and finding out what services and even medications might be necessary to help them feel comfortable in their own skin. This young one just began a mild medication that we all felt necessary to add to his supplement regime.
For the first time in a long time all three boys played with each other for a long time. It was quiet and that quiet didn't mean something bad was happening. They were actually enjoying each others company! Then Sunday was Church, the real test. My young one had a bit of trouble sitting. The medication makes him a little drowsy and when he's tired he gets grumpy. When it was time to stand he chose to do his imitation of a boneless chicken, but I persevered and helped him stand. During the Great Entrance he stood respectfully. I almost didn't breathe I didn't want to spoil the moment. And when it was time to take the Eucharist...No pushing and shoving! No reenacting the battle sequence from Narnia! No wiggling or yelling "DON'T!" when I try to direct his body! He stood peacefully in line, walked up the the chalice and partook CALMLY of the Body and Blood of our Lord. As I followed behind him I had to choke back the tears. No one knew that I was feeling like I was at the Olympics watching my son win a gold medal. No one knew what an accomplishment that short walk was. No one, but my Lord, knew my Mama heart and how proud I was of my son. This little one has the potential for a lifetime of intense trials and hard work because of the drugs that were put into his system as a precious unborn baby. But Jesus said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these." He wants my little hyperactive boy who can't filter out any stimuli to come unto Him. He wants my son with Reactive Attachment Disorder to come unto Him. He wants my children who feel insecure or stupid or afraid to come unto Him because He made His kingdom of heaven for them. To grant them peace. To give them rest. To make them secure in Him.
May we help each of our little ones on that narrow road we must all walk, crawling with them when necessary...that crawling will encourage much prayer since we'll already be on our knees :)
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