Goodbyes

Baby #31 will be leaving in two weeks for what will most likely be her forever home.  We've cared for this baby since she was released from the hospital.  We have invested much love and time into her care.  We have had to learn all sorts of new terms and methods of caring for such a medically fragile little one.  We've had to think outside the box when choosing toys for her as texture is much more important since she is visually impaired.  When we've held a little one like this so close it can be very hard to let go.

I've had people tell me they have no idea how I do what I do.  While they can imagine caring for the "littles" they can't imagine having to let them go.  It can be painful to say goodbye.  There have certainly been the ones we were relieved to have leave our home.  We will of course pray for all of them but some just seem to make a little nest in our hearts for the duration of their stay.  Because it could be overwhelmingly painful to say goodbye to little bit babies who are taking a piece of my heart with them, I've had to come up with an explanation my mind understands and my heart believes.

I have given birth to three beautiful daughters.  If one of them was born with some life threatening illness and didn't live more than a few years, months, days or even minutes, I wouldn't trade the opportunity to be their mama for anything!  I wouldn't refuse to love the next child that came along. I'd love, possibly more fiercely, because of the loss.  It is the same with our little bit babies.  Some we have loved so much and longed for after they've gone.  Some have made us feel like our home will always be missing "a little something" because of their absence.  But each time I receive a new little one in my home the Lord miraculously allows love and compassion to flow again allowing me to welcome each child into my heart. 

We will certainly miss our little rosebud.  We are SO thankful she is going to a kind and loving family!  As we go through the transition of her leaving our home, over the next week and a half, I will grieve, I will probably weep, I will smile and, Lord willing, I will allow the Lord to prepare my heart for the next blessing He allows into our home. 

No it's not easy, pain and suffering never are.  But just because it's hard doesn't mean it's bad.

May Christ open our hearts to receive His blessings, His mercy and His healing. Glory to God for all things!

The Gift of "NO"

Right now, sleeping in a basement bedroom, looking all cute and innocent, lies a very intense four year old. While he is asleep he is relaxed and peaceful, but when he is awake LOOK OUT WORLD!  When awake, my four year old imagines himself king of our home and is completely taken aback when his subjects, Dad and Mom, tell him...wait for it..."no".  It isn't always a big NO!  Often there's not even an exclamation point.  Often times we are just redirecting him or even telling him, "hold on just a moment."  This is too much for his highness to handle. His eyes get big, he tenses his whole body and may even hit himself in the head and growl to show the intensity of his emotions.  It may be too much for him to handle, but thankfully it is not too much for those who are REALLY in charge of the kingdom of home to handle. 

Tim Hawkins (one of our FAVORITE comedians) does a wonderful routine on giving your kids "the gift of 'no'."  When we watch him we all laugh because good comedy is good because it takes real life moments, puts them under a microscope and then lets us view them without the tension, aggravation and frustration usually present when we encounter those situations in real life.  But "no" can be a gift.  "No" helps to establish boundaries and reminds our little princes and princesses that they are not, in fact, masters of the universe.  "No" give us an opportunity to teach our children about patience and how to handle disappointment correctly.  "No" lets our children know that while we love them without limit, that love helps them to learn to limit themselves and how to avoid major issues in the future.  But let us not forget "yes".

I am so guilty of being quick to say "no" and then I forget to say "yes".  "No" sets limits but "yes" give hope.  "Yes" is like a refreshment and a reminder that while there are boundaries, there are also opportunities.  "Yes" rewards patience and the proper handling of disappointment.  "Yes" reinforces the love we have for our children and helps to establish trust and an opportunity to develop discernment.  "Yes" lets our kids know that while they are NOT the center of the universe, they ARE valuable and important members of the "kingdom" of home, but most importantly, the kingdom of God.

May the Lord bless us as we strive to teach our children and encourage them in His ways.  And may we give our children the gift of "no" and sprinkle them with the blessings of "yes".

Essentials

I bet a lot of you have been hearing about essential oils lately. I've had the pleasure of going to a few very informative parties and trying some oils out myself.  I'm researching (recipes and safety) and testing... and learning chemistry.   I'm finding great success using oils on myself and my family for all sorts of ailments.  Even my more pessimistic children are asking to use oils when they don't feel well.  It is true that I've always liked having a little "medical" bag with my herbs and now the oils make it possible for me to have a more complete, accessible and compact kit.  I'm like a kid in a candy store!

Wednesday my middle son fell.  He had tied an old martial arts belt around the zip line in the front yard and it broke as he flew across the lawn.  My oldest son came running to alert me.  Now when I was a newer mother I would have dropped everything and rushed to the scene of the accident.  I could see him from where I was and he was not crying out, he'd just had the wind knocked out of him.  I walked over to assess the damage, still aware of how different my reactions as a 41 year old mother were from the 21 year old mother I was when I began my mama-ing. 

My poor guy.  All his parts were still in order, but he was going to be sore.  You know how we look for certain things when our children are injured or sick?  My oldest son wants to stay home sick often so when he tells me he's sick I look for certain signs that tell me he really is sick.  With him it's more than just telling me he doesn't feel good, his body language says a lot about whether it is an emotional "illness" or physical.  When injury is being considered I look for how my child moves and interacts after the injury.  In this case my son was willing to get up on his own, though he was careful not to put too much weight on his left leg.  I noted that he did not cry out when he put pressure on his leg even though it was clearly uncomfortable.  He was also willing to try and climb on his big brother's back for a piggy back ride to the car.  He thought better of it, but those actions told me we probably weren't going to be waiting around in an ER that day.




When we got home from our outing I sat my sore guy on the couch and put essential oil on his wounds.   The aroma was just as important to the "patient" as the healing properties.  The aroma let him know that help was on the way.  Now this post isn't about which brand I use and why.  This isn't about what blends or "recipes" I have for cuts, bruises and crazy little boys.  This is more about what I want my children to understand about God and His love for us as I tend their owies.  When I applied the oils I prayed for my son.  I reminded him that we thank God for His mercy and acknowledge that He is the great physician and without Him we would not have herbs or essential oils. 

 

I love trying to help my family.  I love being able to participate in bringing comfort and relief when there are emotional or physical injuries.  I love offering aid when my littles (and bigs) are sick.  And it is quite satisfying when a remedy works. I do admit that as soon as one of my children complains of an ailment I reach for my essential oils or herbal reference books with my hands, but I try and remember to always have a prayer in my heart.

For the record, my son is healing nicely.  He is very proud of the six inch bruise he has on his upper thigh.  He came up tonight requesting oils for his bruise because it was causing him some pain.  He liked that we prayed first, giving glory to God for all things.  Yes, a lot of times I miss the moments to point my young ones heavenward.  I'm not always calm.  I often think of what I should have done after the fact, but I hope the moments I do remember will have a great impact. 

*If you want to know more about essential oils I am certainly willing to talk about them, why I like them, which ones I use, etc. 

Not Noah

Okay, I was curious.  I mean it was supposed to be a Bible movie, right?  The trailer showed Noah, his wife, his sons, a corrupt civilization and an ark.  So far so good.  Not so much.  Aside from the names being correct and the boat and a flood...it was a fictional story not even really loosely based on the Bible.  We're not talking about creative license, we're talking about a complete disregard for what many hold to be sacred.  I remember watching Prince of Egypt when it was first in theaters and while they didn't follow the story verse by verse they did keep the heart of the story.  There was no heart in the story of Noah. 

Not only that, but God was presented as an angry God who simply wanted to wipe out mankind, including Noah and his family, and return to Eden.  He just wanted His animals and the world would be at peace, all green and zen. 

BUT, all was not lost.  I watched this with my two oldest sons and listened to their comments as the movie played.  It was a blessing to hear them say things like, "wait, that wasn't in the Bible." or "I thought Noah's son's had wives with them." or "That's just not what happened."  They are learning God's Word and they are learning WHY it is so important for them to be able to discern what is truth and what is so NOT Noah! 

It was fantastic to be able to discuss the scriptures afterward and help them learn some new things about the animals (7 of each "clean" animal and 2 of every "unclean")...and the rest of the story. Following the story as far as the movie, and a little beyond, we read that the Lord made a covenant with not only Noah and his family, but with the animals as well! (did you know that about the animals?!  Look at Genesis 9:8-17!) Who needs to make up a new story?  The original is pretty amazing.

This movie made it pretty darn easy to go through and look at all the discrepancies , but what about all the things my kids see and hear that aren't as easy to discern.  They are children from this present generation.  This generation believes many things that would have been completely foreign in my generation, or my mother's.  Not to say the generations before this were right, or that this generation hasn't contributed anything positive.  What I am saying is that as time goes on the lines seem to get blurred.  There is less black and white and much more grey.  It is hard to contend with grey because it can shift and change so easily. 

In the Akathist to the Mother of God Nurturer of Children we pray:
"Raise my children to strongly oppose atheists.
Raise my children to reject the deceitful teachings of the teachers of unbelief.
Raise my children to not accept the spirit of the sons of the adversary.
Raise my children to run from the world and the delusion of the world.
Raise my children to turn away from evil and do good.
Raise my children to love their enemies and to pray for them."

We want our children to be discerning and loving and compassionate and strong.  Matthew 10:16 says, “Behold, I send you out as sheep in the midst of wolves. Therefore be wise as serpents and harmless as doves." Let us pray that our children will be able to weed through all that life throws at them and yet find and embrace Christ our Lord.  The Way is not so overgrown that it can not be found. God will reveal the path as each step is taken. 

Glory to God for all things!

The Miracle of Saint John

Summer before last we had the opportunity to travel as a family to California for a two week vacation.  It was a blast!  We stayed with friends along the way, friends who, incidentally, had many children like we do which made the adventure seem even more lively.  It was one of those trips where we didn't plan too many things.  We had a few "must do's" but it was so refreshing not to feel like our days were dictated by a schedule. 

One of our "must do's" was to go to San Francisco to hang out with my brother, Uncle Aaron (or Uncle Fun if you're one of his nieces or nephews).  It was a blast!  We went to Fisherman's Wharf and had clam chowder in sour dough bowls.  We watched a magician on the wharf and saw the Silver Man perform, smelled the Ghirardelli chocolate, played on stairs that looked and made sounds like a piano and saw a trolley.  It was such fun! 

We were preparing to take my brother back to his place but, since it was on the way, decided to stop briefly by the Holy Virgin Cathedral - Joy of All Who Sorrow.  We had been to this Church before, when we were preparing to move to Colorado.  We had walked into what looked like heaven! 

                      



        

    

We were prayed over by the priest near the relics of Saint John Maximovich and were presented with several vials of oil from his vigil lamp. We had the opportunity to visit the orphanage he had set up. We saw the cell he used with no bed, only a recliner, for he rarely slept and we said the Our Father.  We visited the original wooden church where Saint John's vestments are kept and the priest covered us with the vestments and prayed over us!  We were blessed to have gone.  So this time, while we weren't able to stay for a whole service, I wanted to get a few vials of oil to give godparents and our priest back in Colorado.  I went into the great Cathedral, said some prayers and received five vials of oil.  I quickly put them into my purse because my husband was circling the block in our big van and I wanted to return before the children started a rebellion.   

 

A day or two went by and as we were packing up to leave I realized one of the bottles of oil had completely spilled into my purse! There were receipts, money, gum and all sorts of other things in my purse.  There were also two prayer ropes I was working on.  I reached in my purse to assess the damage and determine how to properly clean everything up when I realized the oil had been fully absorbed by the prayer ropes!  There was no oil on my purse, on the papers or anything else.  How could that be?! They were saturated with this holy oil.  I wasn't the only one this happened to. Just two weeks ago I heard from a young man in Sunday school who had a similar experience.  He had a vial of oil spill in his bag and all the oil was absorbed by his prayer rope when it should have gotten all over the clothes in his sack. 

 

Miracles are wonderful things! They are placed there for our edification and remind us how truly awesome God is.  His ways are not our ways.  Some think these kinds of miracles make us want to recognize a particular saint or relic, but everything about a Saint, any wonderworking that comes about from their relics or through their prayers, are not so the Saint will receive praise, but these blessed events all point to the One Who is the salvation of us all. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Shirt Off His Back

For those of you who are married, do you remember the moment, that one particular moment, when you decided in your heart that this was the person you were going to marry?  For me it was watching the movie Hook with my honey and some friends at the theater.  I remember turning to look at him and thinking, right in the middle of Dustin Hoffman's meanness as Captain Hook, "this is the man I'm going to marry!" Just over one year after our first meeting we married and are preparing to celebrate 22 years together!

A number of years ago I had the honor of being involved in the wonderful courtship and wedding of two people I had known separately for years.  I had met the bride when she was six years old and I was 17 helping out at the day camp portion of the conference center I waitressed for.  This sweet curly headed little brown girl was full of spunk!  It was my job to get her over to the next activity.  She looked at me defiantly and shouted, "YOU CAN'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO!", then proceeded to stomp on my foot.  She never stomped on my foot again, but she did gain a sweet place in my heart as I had the opportunity to watch her grow over the years.

The groom is the son of our very first priest.  The picture I keep in my mind of him is from when he was about 12 year old riding his skateboard down the street, tall and lanky.  Little did we know then that he'd fill out into a giant!  He was drafted to play for a professional football team and told his mother he thought he was about ready for a bride, but the women he was meeting were not the kind he wanted to serve the Lord with. 

The grooms mother and I had an opportunity one year to lead a workshop for homeschool family camp.  In the back of the room a lovely young woman asked some very good questions and made very thoughtful contributions to the discussion.  After class as we headed to pick up our little ones from childcare, the grooms mother sighed and said, "that girl seems like she'd be a great match for my son.  Too bad she's so young."  Thankfully I was able to shed some light on the age and character of this young woman.  The groom's mother contacted her son and told him about this young woman.  He was intrigued and asked permission to contact this charming her. 

The groom was living in another state so most of the correspondence was through letters, email or phone.  He had the opportunity to come home for Thanksgiving and enjoyed spending time with this young woman and her family.  One of the outings they arranged was to go to Downtown Santa Cruz and hand out sandwiches to the homeless.  As they were doing this, a homeless man came up to them.  They offered him a sandwich.  He told them, "I'm not hungry right now, but I am cold.  Could I have your sweatshirt?"  Without a second thought this young man took off the only sweatshirt he had brought with him and gave it to the homeless man.  The man was so surprised that he started to cry.  "I've seen a lot of people come down here handing out food and I've asked many of them to give me their jacket and you are the first one to ever actually do it." 

That was the moment.  That was the moment this future bride knew this selfless young man was going to be her husband.  She got a glimpse of his true character, one that desired the Lord, one that treated his neighbor as himself. 

Right here is usually when stories say, "And they lived happily ever after."  In marriage there is not happily ever after.  There are great times, good times and less good times.  There are some downright awful times.  There are many many opportunities to learn to die to self.  When children come along, there is the balancing act between lover, friend and mother.  Marriage can be a great challenge, but that doesn't mean we are failing or that it's all hopeless.  It is part of growing up and learning to trust Christ in every aspect of our lives.  This young couple is a beautiful example of Christ and the Church.  They love and live and keep striving for Christ.  Let us also embrace the struggle along with the blessing and trust our marriages to Christ. 

Icon of Ss. Joachim and Anna, Parents of Mary mother of Jesus


Traditional prayer for a married couple
O Merciful God, we beseech Thee ever to remind us that the married state is holy, and that we must keep it so; Grant us Thy grace, that we may continue in faithfulness and love; Increase in us the spirit of mutual understanding and trust, that no quarrel or strife may come between us; Grant us Thy blessings, that we may stand before our fellows and in Thy sight as an ideal family; And finally, by Thy mercy, account us worthy of everlasting life: For Thou art our sanctification, and to Thee we ascribe glory, to the Father and to the Son and to the Holy Spirit, now and ever and unto ages of ages. Amen.


Prayer by Archimandrite Nicodim (Mandita)

O Lord Jesus Christ our God, our Sweet Savior, Who taught us to pray always for each other, so that by thus fulfilling the holy law we will be made worthy of Thy mercy: look down with compassion on our married life and keep from all perilous falls, from enemies both visible and invisible, my husband/wife whom Thou hast granted me, that we may pass our time together until the end with oneness of mind. Grant him/her health, strength, and fullness of wisdom enlightened from above, so that he/she may be able to fulfill his/her duties all the days of this life according to Thy will and commandments. Protect and keep him/her from temptations, and may he/she be able to bear and conquer those temptations that come upon him/her. Strengthen him/her in right faith, strong hope, and perfect love, so that together we may do good deeds and that we may order all our life according to Thy divine ordinances and commandments.

O Greatly-Merciful Lord, hear us who humbly pray to Thee, and send Thy divine blessing in truth on our married life and on all our good deeds, for it is Thine to hear and have mercy on us, O our God, and to Thee we ascribe glory: to the Father and to the Son and to the Holy Spirit, both now and ever, and unto ages of ages.

Amen.

Blessed Memories...The Final Entry

Dear Terry,

If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world.
~ Mere Christianity C.S. Lewis

Do you find yourself in this space? C.S. Lewis was contemplating this idea when he was an able bodied man. But what of the man (or woman) for whom the veil is thinning and a breath separates one life from the next. And if we are in fact made for another world I wonder what that homecoming will be like? Perhaps it is like a bird living its whole life under water using some sort of breathing apparatus. If the bird was young enough it would know no difference. But what a glorious moment if it were to break the surface, dry its wings and find it could fly?! It could fill its lungs with pure air! All the things it saw as it came near the surface would be clear and crisp, not a blur of colors, but each one distinct. What would it experience when it, for the first time, ate the food it was intended to eat?

You will be seeing things clearly for the very first time! Even those glimpses of His glory you've gotten throughout your life will seem as shadows when you are finally on His side. You will truly be able to taste and see that the Lord is good in a way we can't even comprehend! And you, my dear friend, will fly.

I love you!!!