Farther Up and Further In

Several people have spoken with me in just the last few days about the end times. Every time there is a series of natural disasters believers tend to get a bit antsy and wonder if the end is truly near. We're suddenly motivated to read our Bibles again and pray. We promise we're going to start that Bible study book that's laying around...hmm...where did I put that book?

It's very similar to seeing one self in a picture and realizing "wow, I need to start working out and eating better." For a few days, weeks or even a month or two we're inspired to eat right and exercise. We're committed to changing permanently, and this time we'll stick to the program forever. But we don't see that picture every day and eventually there's a party and we'll just have one piece of cake. The urgency fades over time and suddenly...well Saturday is the only day I really have to sleep in so I'll exercise tomorrow. Finally we're back to our blissful ignorance (or at least feigned ignorance) and go back to life as usual.

Why is it that only big events challenge us to make life changing choices. A heart attack is a much more powerful motivator than that picture. The illness or death of a loved one, or becoming ill oneself has a way of helping us to focus on what is really important and discarding the meaningless.

As we walk with Christ it is easy to see the big obstacles as challenges that must be overcome through prayer and the seeking of our Lord, but what we often fail to realize is that those seemingly quiet bland moments are just as challenging or possibly more so. If I am faced with the illness of my child it takes little effort for me to remember to pray and seek the Lord constantly. Once my child is made well, that's when the real challenge begins. I must constantly remind myself to seek the Lord for even the small things. It is sometimes like pulling teeth to do a quiet time I just don't feel I have time for, though I made the time during the illness.

Being a Christian is an uphill battle. CS Lewis describes heaven in The Last Battle as being even more real than our reality. The further up and further in the Pevensie children traveled in the New Narnia the more clear and real it became. As we work out our salvation on this side of heaven we must constantly remind ourselves that we must also press on and climb farther up and further in. Farther up, strengthening our faith. And further in, relying more and more on the Lord (more of Him less of me).

Yes, the Lord is coming back. During WWII my grandparents were certain He would be returning soon, at least in their lifetime. Yet here we still are. It could be at any moment "in the blink of an eye", but we have to be careful to be preparing ourselves constantly for His return. We want to be those virgins who have their oil lamps trimmed and stand waiting for their Bridegroom to come for them. Let us be aware then of our great need to struggle through the uneventful boring moments. Let us not forget our great need for the Lord simply because there have been no earthquakes or tsunamis for a while. Let us be aware of the subtle seismic activities going on in our own hearts each moment we put God aside. And may we be ready for His return, whenever that may be. May we be ready to face this ever changing world with the confidence that Christ in us is our hope! May the Lord have mercy on us all.

Will the Real Mom's Please Shut Up!

When my daughters were little I was terrified to use words like "stupid" or phrases like "shut up" because I had trained them not to say those words and they in turn became the word police. In fact when they'd go to bed and my husband and I had a discussion and one of those words would come up we'd both pause midsentence half expecting one of the girls to wake from a dead sleep and call us on it:)

The reason I use such "strong" language is because I am learning I am a Momma who needs to follow that advise. I talk way too much and pray too little. Some days it seems there is no time for to think let alone pray. Yet there always seems to be time for a lecture or two. When I lecture I watch as my child's eyes glaze over and even I grow tired of my many "wise" examples and my arm gets tired as I beat that poor dead horse yet again.

I may be wrong about who this spiritually fit Momma is, but I believe it was Susannah Wesley who would, at some point in the morning, toss her apron over her head signaling to her children that she was unavailable for a few moments as she communed with her Creator. In the Orthodox Church there are parents who have been made Saints because of the godly children they reared! I desire to be one of those, but get so focused on making my children understand my wisdom rather than the wisdom of our Lord.

1 Justifications 2:14 says ~ "Listen my fellow parents who rightfully rebuke your children when it suits you, be quick to get angry, quick to react and slow to listen because they're probably just trying to get away with something anyway. Even if you're wrong, saith the Pride, they probably did something they got away with in the past and all discipline evens out in the end."

In chapter 3 it goes on to say: "Children must obey parents for this is right. A parent can exasperate a child if the child has already done 2 things to exasperate the parent."

Now the BIBLE says something different Jame 1:19 says: My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry...

And in Ephesians 6:4 it says: "Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord."

Now the fact that it says "fathers" does not mean us Momma's are exempt:)

I think often of Icons. They are written in such a way as to preach God's message to us without a word. Their mouths are small to remind us to speak only when necessary. Their eyes and ears are larger than normal to remind us to listen to the Lord and to others to look for His return. If we can rearrange our thinking and listen much much more, what miracles might we be able to witness in the lives of our children that we might otherwise miss? What insight might the Lord grant us because we will have the ears to hear Him instead of ourselves? How powerful would our words be to our children if we use them sparingly? What paths might they walk if we lead the way in humility? O that the Lord grant that some day I might know.

Giving My Boys Dolls

In this world where homosexuality, bisexuality, no-sexual identity is pushed as the norm from most media, including children's programs, why would a Christian mom hoping to instill Biblical values into the hearts and minds of her sons buy them dolls? (wow, now that's a long sentence!) My two youngest sons have been begging for dolls for the last 8 months. So why am I not screaming NO! and thrusting some sort of army guy or another "manly" type toy in their hands?

My three daughters have played with dolls since they were very small. It was very off and on because they were extremely active and loved playing outside. My youngest seemed to have the most vivid imagination when it came to dolls and families and would even turn her math manipulatives into groups of families with a red mommy trapezoid, yellow daddy hexagon and lots of little green triangle children. It really didn't matter what the item was she could probably turn it into a parent, child of whole family in a matter of minutes...even acorns that fell like bombs from the oak tree outside our house. We have endeavored to instill a love of family and the value of mommyhood into our daughters. We have worked hard to make sure that choosing to be a wife and mother is a high calling and a valuable, legitimate and even holy vocation. It has been difficult in a world that is constantly throwing fashion and all sorts of vain gods in their paths. It has been challenging to raise them in a society that berates stay at home wives and mothers. We have not suggested they limit themselves and avoid going to college or seeking a career of some sort if that is where the Lord is leading, but that if He is leading them "just" to be moms...well there is no such thing as being "just" a mom!

But what about our sons? How can we encourage them to be men of God in this ungodly generation? The worlds tells them it's all about video games, that girls really ARE better than boys. They are constantly emasculated. Any strong manly man on TV turns out to be some sort of wacko or is extremely stupid. The men portrayed on TV and in movies don't know their own minds, are awful and made to look like idiots in front of their children (and by their children)or are shown to be incapable of caring for their own children. I want my boys to be men! Many men! I want them to be strong and to know their own minds. I want them to value themselves enough to value others above themselves. I want them to be protectors of their homes and trainers of their children.

While the world pushes the extreme in one direction, many times those attempting to counteract that influence swing that same pendulum in the opposite but equally extreme direction. This opposite extreme often, most likely subconsciously, produces young men who lean towards authoritarian rather than authoritative. They tend to be hard workers but lack the gentleness required for raising children and being a co-martyr with their wives. The cycle continues generation after generation often due to fear rather than prayer, introspection and the seeking of our Lord.

So why the doll? I have chosen to purchase American Girl Bitty Twin dolls. I was able to choose two boy dolls and they look so much like my boys:) My sons will most likely be dads some day. I encourage the rough and tumble play, digging, climbing, building (but no ropes...haven't had good luck with those so far :) ) just doing "boy" things. They are different than girls. They are hunters and super heroes and cowboys. They dive off of furniture and land on their faces over and over again just because they can. When they do hurt themselves they are often more upset that their play was interrupted than that there is blood gushing from their foreheads or that they lost a finger somewhere! But there needs to be the gentle side tended to as well. They need to be taught to be compassionate. They need to be trained in the fine art of diaper changing and the training of children as valuable little people. No doubt they will be Ninja dad's with their babies strapped to their backs or soldiers protecting their children from the enemy. I'm confident they will leave the babies in the fox hole as they face their attackers. I want my boys to grow up to be men that will help their wives and joyfully take their children places to help them grow, learn and explore. They want to carry their babies in slings because they see me and their own daddy doing that with the babies we care for. Praise the Lord for that eagerness. Of course, they'll probably be camouflage slings...but that seed to care for and protect their "children" will be planted. Yes, I will be selective with why type of doll they play with, but heaven forbid I keep these boys from developing their daddy muscles. I have an opportunity to invest in the lives of my future daughter-in-laws and grand children through the interest they have in their dolls:) Only God knows:)

Adoption

If you ever have an opportunity to attend an adoption I highly recommend it! If you ever have the opportunity to adopt...I highly recommend that as well. I have adopted three children so far and each time I'm reminded of and humbled by God's willingness to adopt us as His sons and daughters.

Adoption is a truly wonderful thing even with all the many challenges that can come with it. As adoptive parents we get to experience a piece of God's grace many do not get to experience. We get a little insight into what He may experience as He adopts each one of us into His family. Some children being adopted are cute and cuddly and it's easy to step right into the "forever parent" shoes. Some children are more of a challenge or require lots of extra attention and direction. Stepping into those forever parent shoes might have to be a little more deliberate. Some children can be quite abrasive and go into the whole thing kicking and screaming wishing by some great miracle they could be back with their birth family and they have no trouble letting you know how much they DON'T want you and that you will never measure up. In those instances the forever parent shoes may have to be duct taped into place to keep them from falling off as we're kicked in the shins repetedly:) They come to us with physical, emotional, mental and even spiritual challenges that were not of our doing. Yet, we love them as our own. We're in it for the long haul. We accept them as they are where they are whether sweet and cuddly or prickly all over (they may be as much for our salvation as we are for theirs). We provide for them and pledge to keep those forever parent shoes on no matter what (even when they try to pull them off with their own hands)!

When God accepts us into His family some of us are cute and cuddly, some abrasive and some downright awful. At first we may be so thankful for His rescue and cling to Him like we'll never let go. But, inevitably, we do let go. Sometimes we stay close and sometimes we stray or long for that "birth family" of sin. We step over to that "greener grass" convincing ourselves that somehow we can do it without our adoptive Father. Each time we stray God welcomes us back. He accepts our physical, emotional, mental and spiritual deficiences and offers healing and a forever home. He never gives up on us and never turns us out. He never introduces us as some sort of subspecies or evil step child. He pledged with His blood to be our Father for all eternity.

A friend of mine adopted a young lady who had lots and lots of hurts in her life. Each of the daughters (bio & adopted) received a beautiful teacup with roses on it. She told them that they were precious roses and roses grow well in her guarden. One day this adopted daughter threw her teacup on the floor and smashed it to bits. Days later the daughter was sorry and my friend presented her with another teacup. This precious daughter took the cup but told her adoptive mother that she couldn't guarantee she wouldn't break this one at some point. This amazing woman looked at her daughter and opened a drawer filled with rose teacups and replied "I told you, roses grow well in my garden."

We are the roses in God's garden, we are the thorns fashioned into His crown and we are the ones He has chosen to adopt and call His own.

Praise God for His Mercy

Transition! (and roller coasters)

I just hear the Fiddler on the Roof music in my head but instead of Tradition it's Transition ( my kids stare at me blankly as I walk dow. Everyone in my house is transitioning one way or another. Some are still transitioning from the move from CA to CO. Some are transitioning from teen-hood to adulthood. Some are transitioning from temporary members of our family to permenant members (woo hoo!). Some are transitioning as they learn to process information differently to make their lives easier. The baby is transitioning right before our eyes from the quite little cutie who just stared blankly to a real little person who can really interact with her surroundings.

Somehow growing up I had this false idea that as a Christian it was possible to "arrive". You know what I mean. To get to that place of spiritual success coupled with just the right amount of Holy humility. On the one hand we were always told that we never "arrive" this side of heaven, but then there would be some big deal made over a book or speaker or type of prayer that would change our lives. It was always implied that if you read the book, listened to the speaker or prayed the prayer you would "arrive". "If you can just apply these three pricipals"... Our life in Christ is all about transitions. The simple act of learning is transitioning from ignorance to knowledge. These transitions are not one time events. Each day we die to self and pick up our cross we are transitioning from the old man to the new man.

With all these transitions taking place constantly in our lives it can feel like a driverless car careening out of control as we sit helplessly duct taped to the passengers seat screaming for our lives! (okay that might just be me...especially the duct tape part...) But it doesn't have to be that way. I see it more as a roller coaster I've never been on before. Some of the twists and turns are familiar, I can remember them from other rides. Some of the loops and tunnels throw me for a loop because I either didn't see it coming or it seems too dark for there to be any way light will be present on the other side. There are those relaxing times when you just lay back and let the roller coaster climb and the surprise of the big drop that always seems to show up just when you were starting to get comfortable. But what we need to remember about the roller coaster is that the engineer who designed it designed to with each of us in mind. Each one has the perfect specifications to inspire growth, humility, peace and obedience (keep your hands and arms inside the ride at all times). Each "transition" in the track, as it curves and loops, is preparing us for that glorious end when we can finally meet that Engineer and thank Him personally for His amazing design. From ground level you just can't imagine how gravity is going to hold you on that ride, but His designs are flawless:)

May God grant us the strength to stay on the ride, accept the transitions and embrace Him with joy at the end of the ride!

Marrying Young

About a year and a half ago a concept was brought to mind that I hadn't considered much and that concept is marrying young. It was introduced to me by a wonderful Monk who talked with the teen girls at a homeschool event about how blessed it is for them to be young women and purity and...marrying young. When people ask my children what they want to be when they grow up my eldest has always answered "a wife and mother". She generally gets that blank stare or the long pause waiting for the "and" followed by the important profession she's supposed to desire. She even started making up a false answer to satisfy friends and family members.

After the teens left I had an opportunity to ask the Monk more. He told me about Monks. What on earth can Monks have to do with marrying young or marriage at all? Well...when an older man becomes a Monk he is faced with challenges a young Monk may not experience in the same way. An older man has already had many life experiences and tends to be set in his ways. He feels challenged or becomes defensive when presented with new ways to do things or new lessons. A young man, on the other hand, may have some big ideas but without the life experiences to act as cement he tends to be more open to the new ways of doing things and grows in the process and often this growth produces great fruit and deep relationships with his fellow Monks.

All marriage is a challenge and truly a martyrdom as both husband and wife learn to die to self and live for the benefit and edification of the other person. There is potential in all marriages to live selfishly. My eldest daughter asked me that day if we would allow her to marry at 17. I said yes. Now don't freak out! Let me "splane"..."no that would take too long. Let me sum up". Christianity today said "Most young Americans no longer think of marriage as a formative institution, but rather as the institution they enter once they think they are fully formed. " and "... the focus of 20-somethings has become less about building mature relationships and fulfilling responsibilities, and more about enjoying oneself, traveling, and trying on identities and relationships. After all the fun, it will be time to settle down and get serious." Marrying young presents a wonderful opportunity to learn early the joy of martyrdom. I don't mean the self proclaimed martyrs, but rather the joy of hard work and the benefits of working out ones salvation with fear and trembling as you grow along side another. It can be a wonderful "formative institution". It can be a wonderful place to learn selflessness early and about the "bigger picture".

Now I'm not foolish enough to say that we should turn our 16 year old daughters out into the arms of the first seemingly kind Christian young man that comes her way. I'm not suggesting we force them to feign interest in homemaking alone as if that is all they're good for. I don't want my sons running off and marrying with no plan and vision for the future. Or place them into a relationship with some unsuspecting young woman so they will have the chance to grow up and get a life. But I am saying that there can be wonderful benefits. If I can prepare my daughters to seek the Lord and not become easily offended... If I can challenge my children to embrace purity both physically and emotionally... If I can encourage my sons, even at this young age, to see the value of women and take pride in caring for them and honoring their unique God given function... If my daughters can learn the value of biblical submission (not read as doormat but rather as unto the Lord) and understand their amazing worth in this Holy calling... If both my sons and daughters view marriage as a worthwhile challenge and blessing... I will be overjoyed and open to whatever age the Lord opens the door for marriage.

In our walk with the Lord great faith is required, fear of the Lord, the seeking of His wisdom even if it is in conflict with worldly wisdom. Our walk is step by step and we can not see the future but we should be ready for it nonetheless.

I have no particular plans concerning a specific age I hope my children to marry. My only hope is that they follow the Lord completely. Whether they are young, old or God leads them to remain celibate I pray that their lives are spent in His service running with perseverance the races the Lord has set out for each of them. I do not presume to know where their individual courses may lead them, but I can be their faithful coach as I run my own race.

May the Lord have mercy on us all :)

Giving Birth to Adults

Oh, just the idea of pushing out an adult instead of a baby makes one shudder! I just picture a poor mama pushing and almost splitting in two! What a mental picture. Yet, as parents that's exactly what we're doing with our teens. We are in labor all over again! At first we're excited and look forward to each movement, kick, hic-up. Then as the teen year progress and we find ourselves in the late 2nd early 3rd trimester we realize how hard it really is. We're huffing and puffing more. We find ouselves having more trouble sleeping at night and needing more naps during the day. We find it uncomfortable and not quite what we exprcted. As we progress even further we find ourselves wondering if we've done all the right things or prepared them well enough. The thing is...just like with child birth, whether we feel ready or not that birth day is coming.

Thankfully we are not giving birth physically, but the emotional birthing process can be exhausting. I'm learning to breath:) Learing to remind myself and my teens that we are going toward the same goal and that we are on the same team. With child birth we have to work with the contractions not against them. It is often difficult to tell the difference between the braxton hicks contractions as they prepare our bodies for the future. What our teens go through and the challenges and even the challenging of authority are like those pre-labor contractions that help prepare us for the real thing. They help our children take ownership of what they really believe so when they emerge from the womb of our home they will be ready to cry out to our Lord and to seek Him for nourishment:) That knowledge doesn't make the contractions any less uncomfortable but it does help us to know they have a real purpose. May the Lord be glorified in our efforts:) Know that the birth into adulthood is coming and let us ebrace the time we have left to influence our children in such significant ways:)