God's Donkey

Do you ever get the feeling that your job as mother is to be a pack mule?  If I think about it I find that I carry a lot for my children.  Aside from the washing and cooking and bandaging (I have 5 boys, that equals quite a few bandages...) and chauffeuring, I tend to carry their joys, fears, hopes and hearts as well. 

Some of my guys have heavy loads to carry and just can't do it on their own so they place part of the load on me for safe keeping.  Sometimes helping to ease the burden is all they need.  Other times they want me to carry every thought and memory because they have been carrying such a heavy weight for such a long time.  Sometimes they suddenly want their burden back because they feel awkward and naked without it so they violently rip it from my heart.  And don't think it's just the adopted ones who have burdens to bear.  My "home cooked" children have their own struggles and they are no less significant because abuse or neglect were not involved.  We are not perfect parents and this is not a perfect world so they are left with the task of making sense of their childhood, wading through the errors we've made and going through the long hard process of sifting through their life experiences so they can, hopefully, avoid making some of the mistakes we made as parents and establishing their own adulthood in Christ. 

There are times when I look at it all and think, "why am I the one chosen by everyone to carry their stuff, I have my own stuff to carry!".  I feel like Frodo with The One Ring, the burden heavy around my neck.  I want to complain and give it to someone else! But then I realize that perhaps that is my calling.  Perhaps my job is to glorify the Lord, not as war horse, but as a donkey.  Perhaps they place their burden on me so I can help them learn how to place it on Him and maybe, just maybe, I will learn how to follow where He leads and place all burdens when He directs me to lay them.   Frodo didn't just carry the Ring so that he would ultimately be saved.  He carried the burden of all Middle Earth that all might be saved. 

Is it so bad to be a donkey?  Not if I get to be in the service of my loving Master.

Of Great Significance

“It is of great significance if there is a person who truly prays in a family. Prayer attracts God's Grace and all the members of the family feel it, even those whose hearts have grown cold. Pray always.” Elder Thaddeus




 

I don't know about you, but I am running into a lot of suffering people lately.  In my own home we are experiencing struggles and challenges.  For many it feels as if they are standing at the edge of an emotional or spiritual cliff in the dark with winds gusting up to 150 mph.  It can be so hard to trust the Lord for one more second when one is in emotional or spiritual pain.  But cling to Him we must, for there is no other way.  Of course there are things we can do to dull the pain or distract us from the challenges, but at the end of the day it's all still there.  Thankfully, God is still there too! 

 

When we approach the Lord with heartfelt prayer for our situations, and for those we love, it is like we are shooting off a flare gun.  When there is a ship wreck it is not necessary for everyone to have their own flare gun to signal distress yet all those stranded benefit from the one who possesses the gun.  In the same way our prayers send up a "mayday" to heaven petitioning not only for our own rescue but for the deliverance of all those trapped in our present dilemma.  When all feels hopeless, prayer is our lifeline, our only true hope. 

 

I was explaining to a dear friend today that if I was given a vote about entering a difficult patch with my children or within my marriage, I would vote NO!  However, we don't always have choices as to what challenge befalls us, but we do have the choice to follow or not follow our Lord.  He's the only one who knows the way out.  He is the only one who can heal and give the strength to take the next step...and each step to the very end.

 

"O Lord, grant that I may meet this new day in peace. Help me in all things to humbly rely upon your holy will. In every hour of the day reveal your will to me. Bless my dealings with all who surround me. Teach me to treat all that comes to me throughout the day with peace of soul, and with the firm conviction that Your will governs all. In all I do and say, guide my thoughts and feelings. In unforeseen events, let me not forget that all are sent by You. Teach me to act firmly and wisely, without embittering and embarrassing others. Grant me the strength to bear the fatigue of the coming day with all that it shall bring. Direct my will. Teach me to pray. Pray Yourself within me.

Most Holy God, I pray and beseech you, give me a pure heart, a way of speaking that befits the faith I profess. Grant me uprightness of purpose, powers of reasoning unhindered by passions, conduct that becomes those who fear you, and perfect knowledge of your commandments. May I enjoy health in body and in spirit. Grant me a life of peace, genuine faith and living hope, sincere charity and bountiful generosity, patience that knows no bounds and the light of Your truth to proclaim Your goodness to me, that forever and in all things placing my trust only in You, I may abound in every good work, and that in Christ Your gifts may increase in every soul. For to You belong all glory, honor and majesty, Father, Son and Holy Spirit, now and ever and unto ages of ages. Amen"

-Metropolitan Philaret 

 

 

 

 

 



Christian, Moral or "Other"

"Would you say you were raised in a Christian home, a moral home or some other kind of home?" 

This is the question my friend asked her eldest daughter.  Of course the answer would be "Christian home" because, after all, I am a Christian and I love Jesus.  Right?  Is teaching our children right from wrong and taking them to church (most of the time), and making sure they dress modestly, mind their words and manners and keep their eyes from watching filth, perhaps even homeschooling...is that enough? 

This question was stuck fast in my brain and I knew it would drive me crazy if I didn't find out the answer, so I decided to ask my daughters, 20, 18 & 16, the question. (I didn't ask my sons because I have not finished, or nearly finished, parenting them yet).  I was very nervous.  I honestly couldn't be sure what they would say.  Like my friend, I wanted my children to love the Lord, but did that desire play out in word and deed in my home? 

Now each time I call one of my children they think they might be in trouble for something.  I have to announce, "you're not in trouble I just want to ask you a question."  Apparently "questions" are just as much to be feared as being in trouble.  I asked my 20 year old first.  She said she felt she was raised in a Christian home.  Why?  Because, she said, we always made it a point to get to church and teach them about Jesus at home.  We weren't always consistent, but we prayed together.  She has seen us read our Bibles on our own and struggle to work out our salvation outside of the church setting. 

My 16 year old said she felt she was raised in a moral and Christian home for some of the same reasons but also because, she said, we kept God and Christianity in the things we did and taught them morals. (She's very short, sweet and to the point) 

Miss 18 year old, to my surprise (she tends to be my more pessimistic Eeyore type), agreed that she had been raised in a Christian home.  She thought for a moment and said that even though we certainly were NOT perfect (emphasis hers!) she could see we were trying to pursue Christ even through the challenges and we encouraged them to seek Him when they were struggling as well.  (she did add that she still doesn't agree with everything we did and she may not raise her children just the same...they may get to play video games at a younger age ;)

I was happy to know they think they have been raised in a Christian home and I am THRILLED my grown/nearly grown children are all choosing to follow Christ on their own.  I'm not off the hook yet though, I still have 6 chickies left in the nest.  I know there have been seasons of existing.  There have been seasons of anxiety or other emotional challenges in our home.  There have been seasons of feeling empty as a mother or running in my own strength on an empty tank.  Sometimes I have been controlling and legalistic in my endeavor to present the Lord to my children.  Anything good that has resulted from my mommy-ing is because of the grace of God in my broken little life.  The striving and struggling and failing and repenting and standing up again is worth it and I am thankful!

Our salvation consists in faith and hope in the mercy of God, and the devotion of ourselves and all of us to His holy will.  -St. Macarius

Learning to Pray

I wrote a book.  Okay, it's my third, but I don't feel like I have written any of them.  The were borne out of necessity.  The first was written to aid my daughters in understanding our newfound faith back in 2004.
 

The second was written for my sons as they learn to walk uphill on their spiritual journey. 
This third, however, was written because I am in such need as a mama. 


I have gone through periods of my life where prayer was easy.  In fact I almost felt I had "arrived" at some higher spiritual level.  How arrogant is that?!  Don't worry, I've also had those days and weeks where I heard that "still small voice" calling me to pray, calling me to commune with my Lord and I have either gone to meet with him very grudgingly or I have flat out refused, feeling very annoyed at the thought of submitting myself to His will.  And so the pendulum swings back and forth.

If we, as Christians, are to die to self and take up our crosses on a daily basis, what makes us think there are any aspects of the spiritual life we will master and no longer have to tend to?  Our faith is not like a bicycle.  We don't learn a rule or submit once, take a break and return to the same part of the path.  No, it is more like those moving sidewalks at the airport but instead of walking in the direction it is going our faith leads us the other way. If we stop walking we find we have not only stopped moving but have actually lost ground.

 What I am finding as I read through this book, and as I endeavor to follow Christ, is that each day I am learning.  Each day I am learning to pray, learning to submit my will to His, learning to pick up my cross and follow Him.  While practice may make it easier, each new day brings with it its own trials and victories. 

Through the Lord’s mercies we are not consumed,
Because His compassions fail not.
They are new every morning;
Great is Your faithfulness.
Lamentations 3:22-23

As we learn to pray and follow the Lord each day, He offers us His mercy for each moment, for each step we take heavenward.  Let us keep learning to pray each day. Let us continue striving, walking and accepting His grace.   

God Grant Me the Serenity...

"God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and the wisdom to know the difference."

The definition of serenity is being peaceful, calm and untroubled. Many many people have been encouraged and comforted by the words of this prayer.  Asking God to help me accept the things I cannot change is huge!  How many things in my life am I unable to change?  I cannot change the fact that our new foster baby is blind or has major medical issues.  I cannot change my friend's diagnosis of breast cancer.  Those things I must leave with God and accept His peace in exchange. 

The prayer then reminds us to change the things we can.  This is important because we can become very despondent if we get stuck on the things we cannot change.  There are so many things we have no control of.  Even when leaving it at the foot of the Cross and embracing God's peace, it is peace within sorrow.  But if we accept His courage to change the things we can, oh the joy in that place! I cannot change our baby's medical issues, but I can be a tender caregiver and hold and comfort her.  I can help her develop to her full potential and embrace the life she has been given. I cannot change my friend's diagnosis of breast cancer, but I can be a shoulder to cry on, a meal maker and a prayer warrior on her behalf. 

And, as the prayer says, we need the wisdom to know the difference between the things we can change and the things we can't.  This can certainly be a challenge!  Sometimes we can get stuck trying to change things we simply cannot change.  We tell ourselves that if we try harder or do things differently we can change the outcome.  Sometimes, many times, this has to do with the personality or behaviors of another person (parents, spouse, siblings, children), but we cannot change them, they have their own choices to make.  We can encourage them, we can even force them to obey, but we cannot force a change of heart. 

This is a powerful prayer, but there is more!

"Living one day at a time;
enjoying one moment at a time;
accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
that I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
forever in the next.
Amen."

I LOVE the second part of this prayer.  I hadn't seen it until just a few months ago.  What encouragement.  Remembering to live in the present, moment by moment, instead of living in the worlds of "what if" or "if only" is powerful.  Encouraging us to do something polar opposite to what the world recommends by accepting hardships as the pathway to peace!  We are told over and over that hardships mean we're doing something wrong.  We are told that hardships are bad with no benefit or reward.  We are challenged to find that mountain top experience and cling to it and to do whatever makes us feel good.  But that "feel good" is usually temporary and superficial.  If we are willing to accept the hardships then we can more fully embrace the good.

The struggles we face are called hardships on purpose, THEY ARE HARD! We live in a fallen world with fallen people. Life is hard, but God is good!

May the peace of Christ be with you today!!!

Blankets

We had the blessing of adopting our 5th boy two weeks ago, for a total of 8 forever children.  The day before the adoption we received a little pink bundle, and I mean little!  At two months she weighs in at 7.6 lbs.  None of my bio babies were that small outside my body.  After each adoption we go for ice cream.   There are balloons and gifts and well wishes.  But the real moment my adopted children feel like my own is not when we sign the papers in the courtroom. 

The Sunday following the adoption we got up extra early.  We rarely make it to church on time.  Even the days we think we have everything ready to go and we're ahead of the game we forget something vital or lose shoes or have major meltdowns.  But this Sunday we HAD to get there on time.  Our new son was getting baptized! 

Some people don't understand why on earth we would baptize a baby.  Many of my Christian friends think we're acting a little prematurely since the wee ones can't profess the faith themselves.  There is much written and even more history to support this practice, but the practical side is, we are immersing our "littles" in the fullness of the faith, why would we want to wait? Of course all of our children must choose or reject Christ, just as each of us, baptized or not, must daily choose or reject Him until we breath our last. 

When the priest anoints the child with holy oil he says "(name) is sealed with the gift of the Holy Spirit", to which we all respond, "SEALED!"  This tends to be the favorite part of the children because they get to be a little loud in church as we all participate in this sacrament.  We respond with "SEALED!" as the forehead, eyes, nostrils, mouth, ears, chest, hands and feet are each anointed with the Holy Chrism.  It is a holy moment. It is the moment that the adoption into our family and the adoption into the Church is complete.

After the service, in the fellowship hall, a lovely woman congratulated us and gave our new son the gift of a blanket she had made. It was a cuddly soft yellow fleece. It was perfect!  Because our family is so big we color code our children.  Each child has their own color so we know at a glance who left their plates on the table or towel on the floor.  This son's color happened to be yellow! 

                                                     

Next, this sweet woman pulled out a cozy purple blanket for the new baby, and that's when I burst into tears.  Our new baby's color is purple! After I finished crying and dried off her shoulder, she shared that she had a few blankets in her car that morning and had asked God to pick the right ones for her.  You see, our God cares even about the small details.  He's not somewhere way up there out of touch with His people.  He is ever present and fully interested in our lives! 

Whatever is going on in our lives, whether the joy of new life or chronic or terminal illnesses, we can trust we have a God who cares, a God who is with us and a God who personally sees to the details. 

May we rejoice in the One who has offered mankind adoption through Christ our Lord and may we be thankful for the "blankets" He picks for us ;)

Just a Minute (or two)

Hello, my name is Annalisa and I am a "reactor".  When my children ask for something or whine about something or try and negotiate something I throw out my "no" like Ninja stars.  At times I'm tempted to shut them down before they even have an opportunity to ask.  If...hahahaha yeah IF!...ahem...WHEN an altercation takes place between two of my children I quickly jump in instead of taking a moment to reflect.  How can I hope to break the habit of "impulsive parenting"? 

A lovely grandmother, who is raising her grandchildren, recently read an article about French mamas.   The part that struck her, and me, was that French mamas tend to take a minute or two to reflect before responding to their children.  There is more to what she told me than that, but that was the part that stood out the most.  How might my mama-ing be different if I took and automatic 1-2 minutes?  I had to try it out. (here's one news report about it. http://abcnews.go.com/blogs/lifestyle/2012/02/parenting-the-french-way-is-it-better/ )

Now, this has just been a few days AND my impulsive mama-ing is not going down without a fight BUT what I am noticing is even though my children's behavior isn't changing a whole lot, yet, I am finding a few seconds can change the heart of a mama. 

I think we all go through times where we find ourselves challenged by a particular child.  Any wrong done or line crossed seems to be intentional.  Most of us have also allowed totally non-child related stressors to influence our mama responses. 

Today one of my sons was being "saucy".  Before I could even speak to him he was giving attitude and being snarky.  Normally I would have called him on his attitude and disciplined him.  The discipline may have been earned, but if I had reacted at that moment it would have been out of an angry mama heart.  Mindfully taking that moment I found I calmed down and was able to respond. 

I know I have written about this before and I have had my successes and failures, but I so want to master this I'm writing about it again because motherhood is about never giving up.  This time I have let my children know that I may not answer them right away when they ask something.  They know I may send them to their rooms to cool off before I listen to their version of what happened. 

I'll keep you posted and maybe, if this is a challenge in your life, we could join together as we climb over this parenting obstacle.  Let us embrace the joy of motherhood.  It just takes a minute...or two :)