Thursday, May 23, 2013

My Life as a Boneless Chicken

I read a very touching blog last week, when I was in the throws of CHAOS...ANARCHY...MENTAL BREAKDOWN!  I was so angry last week because of how crazy the behavior and verbal abuse I received at the hands/voice, of my eight year old son.  This woman was very candid with her life experience with a child who was my son times 100.  You can see her story here: .  There are times, scary times, in the lives of many mama's, when the challenges become nearly unbearable and that "line" we're not supposed to cross moves closer and closer.  

Sunday started the 5th or 6th day in a row of behavior issues and verbal bombs raining down on me.  Again I felt such anger welling up inside of me that I had to put myself on yet another time out.  I went to my husband and told him we had to do something different because whatever we were doing was not effective and I was afraid I was going to cross that line...the line that was now only inches away.  This particular child is like a superhero (or super villain, depending on the day) who gets his power from attaching himself to an electrical source, only in the case of my "superhero" he gets his power from attaching himself to whatever emotional charges he can manage to set off in those around him.  I cried a little and my husband held me. 

I headed off to my room for a little "laundry therapy"...folding in a quiet room really can be calming (with or without rubber walls)...and after calming further I was able to pray.  I affirmed that the Lord knows the children He has given us and that He knows I can parent these children in His strength.  Then I said something in my despair so utterly ridiculous I laughed out loud, "so apparently, Lord, You know something I don't."  HA! The Lord knows EVERYTHING I don't!    Perhaps that was where my real problem was hiding. From that moment on my perspective changed.  The emotional power surge was over and I was calm. 

The emotional release I experienced during my laundry therapy showed me the importance of boneless chicken.  When children are small and life isn't going their way and their parent tries to pick them up they have a way of going boneless.  They relax their bodies making the act of picking them up very difficult!  What would happen if I went emotionally boneless when my child started escalating?  What if I, like a Jedi, put a shield of prayer and calm around myself so I would not give in to the craziness of my son's moods?  Right then I decided I'd be a boneless chicken when verbally assaulted.  The most important thing is to touch the heart of my son, work through his intense emotions and behavior while maintaining peace in my heart and home. 

My life as a boneless chicken means my expectations have had to change.  The external things I hope to accomplish varies daily (cleaning, schooling) so I can discharge my emotional energy before my son has a chance to "power up".  He is met with a calmer mama and seems confused with his power source no longer available. 

So how has the week gone?  As he learns to cross over to a new, more positive, energy source we aren't getting a whole lot of school done, but he is spending a lot of wonderful time with daddy outside, building, running, climbing...sometimes wrapped in the parachute type ground cover from the tent on the roof of the clubhouse sunning himself.  The boundaries are still securely in place, it's just that I'm not being thrust against them coming out battered and bruised. 

O Father God, help me, your servant, to be faithful in the tasks You place before me.  Help me to be just as diligent in praising my children when their efforts are fruitful, as I am in training and disciplining them.  Show me daily how to run my race in the joyful service of others.  Order my time and priorities that every moment of my day and purpose of my heart glorifies You.  In the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit.  Amen.

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