"What rain is for seeds tears are for those who are afflicted" -St. John Chrysostom
Oh how hard and wonderful it was to cry with you. Letting go of you at church on Sunday was one of the hardest things I've ever done in my life.
It is hard to plan out "memories" to make for the future. I remember hearing about Scott Halverson having to make his own recordings for his children. I remember him saying how sad he was not to be the one giving Becky away at her wedding or escorting Daniel into manhood. I think of your own fears regarding this and all I have are two verses that give me great hope.
1. Isaiah 55: 8-9“For My thoughts are not your thoughts,
Nor are your ways My ways,” says the Lord.
“For as the heavens are higher than the earth,
So are My ways higher than your ways,
And My thoughts than your thoughts.
It may not make sense to us why He allows what He allows, but it makes sense to Him. He is not surprised by your diagnosis or that the future you had planned for you family is going to be different than you intended.
2. Philippians 5:6Being confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ;
This verse is not only true for you, but for each person you love...each person you hate the thought of letting go of. When you let go they will not fall, they are (and always were) in the hands of Christ. You are opening your hands so they can fit more securely in His. He's not surprised by who is going to be taking care of your little boys. He already knows who He will call to help bring them up in His ways until that "good work" is completed in them as well..
His ways are higher than our ways and He will see you safely to the end...and the beginning.
I love you,