Baby #31 will be leaving in two weeks for what will most likely be her forever home. We've cared for this baby since she was released from the hospital. We have invested much love and time into her care. We have had to learn all sorts of new terms and methods of caring for such a medically fragile little one. We've had to think outside the box when choosing toys for her as texture is much more important since she is visually impaired. When we've held a little one like this so close it can be very hard to let go.
I've had people tell me they have no idea how I do what I do. While they can imagine caring for the "littles" they can't imagine having to let them go. It can be painful to say goodbye. There have certainly been the ones we were relieved to have leave our home. We will of course pray for all of them but some just seem to make a little nest in our hearts for the duration of their stay. Because it could be overwhelmingly painful to say goodbye to little bit babies who are taking a piece of my heart with them, I've had to come up with an explanation my mind understands and my heart believes.
I have given birth to three beautiful daughters. If one of them was born with some life threatening illness and didn't live more than a few years, months, days or even minutes, I wouldn't trade the opportunity to be their mama for anything! I wouldn't refuse to love the next child that came along. I'd love, possibly more fiercely, because of the loss. It is the same with our little bit babies. Some we have loved so much and longed for after they've gone. Some have made us feel like our home will always be missing "a little something" because of their absence. But each time I receive a new little one in my home the Lord miraculously allows love and compassion to flow again allowing me to welcome each child into my heart.
We will certainly miss our little rosebud. We are SO thankful she is going to a kind and loving family! As we go through the transition of her leaving our home, over the next week and a half, I will grieve, I will probably weep, I will smile and, Lord willing, I will allow the Lord to prepare my heart for the next blessing He allows into our home.
No it's not easy, pain and suffering never are. But just because it's hard doesn't mean it's bad.
May Christ open our hearts to receive His blessings, His mercy and His healing. Glory to God for all things!