Thursday, May 13, 2010

I Will Yield

I have always been a die hard homeschooler. From the beginning I just couldn't imagine sending my children away so someone else could teach them what they thought was important for 6 1/2 hours each day. I couldn't imagine giving up those "a-ha" moments when they broke the code to reading or figured out new math concepts. Okay, so I stated out as a homeschool Nazi requiring the pledge of allegiance and my first kindergartner to memorize ridiculous amounts of history and science...did I mention she was in kindergarten?! I was so afraid of ruining my children. There were so many people with false views of what homeschooling meant and were quick to put me and my family in a box. Or they'd make broad statements about...say it with me...socialization, or lack there of. I've encouraged many families to homeschool over the years. I think it's been one of the greatest things our family has done. Even though my house may not stay clean because my children are always in it...even though I will probably be sleep deprived until I meet my Lord...even though there are daily conflicts and I have to switch hats between mama and Judge Judy, it's all been worth it.

From the beginning I've always told people that while we love homeschooling we take it one year at a time. I said I'd love to homeschool through high school. I said with conviction that we will trust the Lord and His leading no matter what He may call us to, even if He called us to put our children in public school in the middle of Compton. I really almost mostly kinda meant it. It's very easy to say you believe something when there really doesn't seem to be any threat to your ideal.

All of my children are very unique. I have a "gamer", a socialite, a dare devil, an artist, a Tasmanian devil and a musician. I can say with all honesty that I have no idea where the Lord will lead us for the education of each of our children. But I do know, and am learning daily, that whichever direction He leads we must yield. Even if it doesn't make sense or fit into our plans. Even if it gives us that yucky sinking feeling in the pit of our stomachs. These lessons may just be the most important life lessons our children learn.

We are at a sort of crossroad right now. Our "musician" seems to be called to something other than what we have gotten comfortable with. It looks like she may, for reasons I can not fully understand, need to go to day school. Not because day school is the more reasonable choice or may offer a better chance to achieve something greater, but simply because it may be what the Lord has for her. It is so hard to yield when all you want to do is keep holding on to your little girl's hand. But if God is asking me to release her hand so she can hold on to His more securely how can I possibly argue that?

Before we became Orthodox we were lead on a similar path by our "socialite":) I attended the church with her and though I was NOT in agreement with it I saw that there was something about it that brought her closer to Christ. I didn't understand that either, yet I was compelled to allow her to go to that church with friends. I had no idea at the time what kind of impact that would later have on our whole family, but even if we had not become Orthodox it still would have been the right thing to allow her to go if it were essential for her salvation. I have that same feeling now.

I have no idea where this will lead. Sometimes the Lord opens a door so we can walk through it and sometimes He opens a door so that we can receive His strength NOT to walk through. Who can know the ways of the Lord? But we can trust that all things work together for the good of those who love Him. We can KNOW that He who began a good work in us WILL be faithful to complete it. And we can say with confidence (with a dash of Holy fear) not my will but Thine be done.

Oh Lord my God may we never waiver in following You! Amen!

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